Oh the worry that comes with a baby!
During pregnancy, I had myself convinced that one of the scan photos of Noah showed that he only had one foot. I sobbed all night into Rob’s chest, not allowing him to convince me otherwise, but not seeing through the upset enough that a look at a different photo clearly showed both feet, with little toes.
Shortly before Noah was born, one of the pages I follow on Facebook shared a post of a lady whose son had been diagnosed with a form of dwarfism. She explained one of the signs, and I must’ve squirrelled it in my brain… A few days after Noah was born I couldn’t shake off the idea he’s a midget, too, and he definitely showed this sign. He doesn’t. It’s ridiculous.
I was sure he must be blind… Then I remembered they did the newborn tests and he passed those in the hospital before we were discharged, and one of the tests is that he mimics a facial expression. Can’t do that if you’re blind.
Until the hearing test I was worried Noah was deaf.
Now I worry how he and James will get on, I worry about James cuddling Noah just that bit too much, I worry worry worry.
I worry Noah has to cry that bit too long because I’m in the middle of helping James with something. I worry about the cortisol levels in his brain. I worry about the effect of his crying and worry he thinks no-one will come, like the NSPCC advert.
I worry about his head being off his chest, that I can see him, that he’s not too covered up but not too exposed.
I worry about other things too, like finding time to vacuum, losing weight, fitting into my jeans, all those clothes in the loft I may never wear again… Sigh.
But you know what I don’t worry about? That I love my boys. I was asked if I worried about finding the love for a second child, when I’ve only had one before. No need to worry about that; the heart always finds room for love. It’s been easy to love Noah, and I love James more and more when I see him interacting with his little brother and in his everyday life. I love Rob more, too, as we both get used to having two little ones in the house.